An Enerjak Christmas
by Enerjak
Summary: It's christmas time, and the characters from Gundam Wing, Street Fighter, Final Fantasy 7 and some guest appearances make the holidays.. fun?


A Really Stupid Fanfic because it's 10:00PM August 8th and I have nothing freakin better to do because my mom is on the other BETTER computer and wont let me back on...  
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An Enerjak Christmas.  
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Enerjak: *sings* Dashing thru the snow, on a pair of broken skis, over the hills we go... SMASHING INTO TREES!  
  
Karen: Ow. I think I hear someone draggin their fingernails across glass.  
  
Enerjak: SHADDAP!  
  
Duo: Look what I can do! *sticks a X-mas light into his mouth, and blows really hard as the light flickers on, and Duo's face goes bright red*  
  
Lunar: Wow, Duo, that's really... not great.  
  
Vega: YEah. *eats a red cookie*  
  
Sephiroth: Well, Christmas time is a time to honour the birth of your god, so come on, everyone bow down to me.  
  
*Everyone stares at Sephiroth*  
  
Sephiroth: Come on now! What are you waiting for? IR GOD!  
  
Sierra: Seph, that is SOOOOOOOOO 1997.  
  
Enerjak: Duh.  
  
Sephiroth: Okaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy........then........FART FRENCH FRIES! *Explodes*  
  
Enerjak: Whoops.  
  
Taffy: ARF!  
  
Enerjak: SHADDAP! *kicks her dog out the window*  
  
Daketa: ENERJAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU JUST broke a window!  
  
Enerjak: Damn dog! When I kick you, I don't mean to make you go hurling out one of my windows so we all freeze to death.  
  
Taffy: *in a thick german accent* Noin.  
  
Lucretzia Noin: Did someone say Noin?  
  
Zechs: Noin. Huh huh huh. Noin.  
  
Trieze: What's so funny about Noin?  
  
Enerjak: MA FETE EST SEPTEMBRE LE TRIEZE! TRIEZE TRIEZE! TRIEZE LE NOMBRE QUI EST MALCHANCEUX! MUWAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH!   
  
Heero: THE LANGUAGE FRENCH IS AN OBSTACLE! *hops into Wing and blows up Quebec and France*  
  
Enerjak: Good job, fruit, you just blew up Marie-Tine.  
  
Marie-Tine: Yeah! I live in Quebec! French kicks ass!  
  
Duo: I feel like a coke and a french fry!  
  
Wufei: A fry?  
  
Vega: You know whats not cool? Wearing spandex.  
  
James: But I do it all the- Nevermind.  
  
Jesse: James! Is that my dress that I wore in episode 230948 when we attacked team Twerp (aka Ash, Misty and Brock) For the 230948th time, and they still didn't know who we were, because we dressed up as Spanish flamenco dancers, and you had to be the really gay flamboyant female?  
  
James: ....................................noooooooo..........  
  
Jesse: *sucks James into a magical vaccuum porthole* *disappears*  
  
Enerjak: I guess it's now LVSRD.  
  
Lunar: I like it better that way. One less guy.  
  
Reno: Shutup.  
  
Lunar: I was first, and you were fifth!  
  
Sephiroth: FIRST THE WORST! SECOND THE MALBEST! THIRD IS THE ONE WITH THE HAIRY HAIRY CHES- .................... Nevermind, I didn't say anything.  
  
Aeris: Hey everyone, guess what? Sephiroth has a hairy chest!  
  
Cloud: No he doesn't! He waxes it every friday! Along with his legs, his arms, and not to mention his -  
  
Barret: YO WILL YA STOP THERE MUSHROOM F**K!  
  
Cid: Mushroom f**k? Gotta remember that one.... *Adds that swear to his list of 598234789106723498 swears*  
  
Enerjak: Okay, shutup everyone. Lets all sing Christmas Carols!  
  
Leon Kennedy: No.  
  
Enerjak: *takes a Ser. 200 Remington 12 gauge double barrel shotgun and blows the absolute crap outta Leon* Join Ada, you putz.  
  
Spike: PUTZ! SPIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
  
Enerjak: Yeah.  
  
Cid: How 'bout, "Merry F**kin' Christmas" By Mr. Garrison from South Park?  
  
Pres. ShinRa: Yeah yeah yeah!  
  
Rufus: Daddy! You're supposed to be at home putting cookies out for Santa!  
  
Pres. ShinRa: I did. *says it with a mouth full of cookies*  
  
Squirl: *thick swedish accent* SUGAR NUT COOKIES, YAAAAAAAA! I'VE GOTS LOTS OF SUGAR NUT COOKIES FOR DA NUTTY NUT NUT SANTA YAAAAAAAAA! *pulls out sorching hot pan with a dozen cookies*  
  
Elena: *grabs one and her hand erupts in flames* ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!! *trips and falls, and her head lands in Red 13's tail, which erupts into flames ((her head, not the tail, the tail's already on fire.)) ).  
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Tseng: I'll save you! *takes one step and spontaneously combusts*  
  
Enerjak: Ashes. On. My Floor. *takes out a dustpan and broom*  
  
Rude: *screams like a girl and grabs a fire extinguisher*  
  
Sailor Jupiter: *sings we wish you a merry xmas in Japanese*  
  
Sailor Venus: San! Christimas Cake-ee ho!?  
  
Enerjak: WHAT THE F**KETY F**K DOES THAT MEAN!?!?!?!?! *BLOWS THE SHIT OUTTA THE SAILOR SCOUTS*  
  
Quatre: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells..  
  
Trowa: Jingle all the waaaaaaaaaaay!  
  
*Quatre and Trowa sing in harmony and giggle and flirt with eachother, royally pissing off everyone who's not gay in that very room, about 95% of the people*  
  
Sierra: TROWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YOUR SINGING ERUPTS IN MY BRAIN LIKE A VOLCANO TRYING TO KILL ME! SCREW YOU, B*TCH! *takes out a M16, and blows the snot outta Heero, Wufei, Trowa and Quatre, but not Duo, because Duo rules.*  
  
Duo: Yes, I'm a little aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaangel!  
  
Enerjak: A Shingami angel...!  
  
Tiny Grim Reaper: TEE HEE CANT RESIST ME! TEE HEE, CANT RESIST ME!  
  
Enerjak: Nope! *Takes Tiny Grim Reaper, puts a halo on his head and sticks him on top of the tree*  
  
TGR: HEY! LEMME DOWN COME ONNNNNNNNN NOT FAIR! TEE HEE CANT RESIS-  
  
Tifa: *sticks a red cookie in TGR's mouth*  
  
Yuffie: What is it with you guys and red cookies?  
  
Marina: Red's my faaaaaaaaavorite colour! THE COLOUR OF CLANCER BLOOD! MUWWWWWWWWAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! *Blows up Doom Daddy*  
  
Doom Daddy: NOOOOOOOOOOO SAVE YOURSELF, MY SON!  
  
Jolly Boy: ..........okay. *skips off to Clanball land*  
  
Doom Daddy: Dam- *bursts into flames*  
  
Enerjak: STOP BURSTING INTO FLAMES, PEOPLE! GEEZ! *takes out the broom and dustpan yet again*  
  
Reno: Hey I know a song that I know you will all love! It's called "puttin on the ritz!"  
  
Rude: When you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't go you where fashion sits.... Puttin' on the Ritz!  
  
Rufus: Probably the most well dressed and refine person here is me.  
  
Relena: I resent that!  
  
Spike: ARGH! B*TCH ALERT! *Blows up Relena*  
  
Enerjak: SPIKE!  
  
Spike: Sorry!  
  
Enerjak: No, no, no, I hated her.  
  
Spike: Well you look like her ever since you cut your bangs.  
  
Enerjak: NOOOOOOOOO ITS NOT TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Janice H: Come on, guys! Hey, I got Enerjak a cool present! It's a Hedgehog that scats!   
  
Scatman Hedge: SCATBADAP BADOO WHOP BIDDADODADODADODIDDLYDODANDEDY YODIDDLYYONDE DOP!  
  
Enerjak: COOL! ANd I got you 60 yards of bubble gum!  
  
Lunar: AMAZING!  
  
Vega: *still eating a red cookie*  
  
Daketa: MY little Buttertart!  
  
Blak: NO DAKETA, It's DATE SQUARE.  
  
Daketa: Whoever heard of callin your honey a date square? It's Buttertart, dammit!!  
  
Vega: Your honey?  
  
Daketa: Look veggie, mistletoe!  
  
Storm: *storms in and kisses Vega*  
  
Vega: ..............hee.  
  
Daketa: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO___________OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *EXPLODES ALL OVER STORM WHO ALSO EXPLODES WHO MAKES VEGA EXPLODE*  
  
Enerjak: Daketa, aw come on, you just exploded 2 more people. *looks at her garbage can which is littered with people's ashes*  
  
Lunar: LSRD.  
  
Reno: Shutup.  
  
Duo: Ha ha.  
  
Reno: *lights a cigarette, and catches fire, then combusts*  
  
Lunar: LSD. HAH! LSD!! Enerjak's boys, the LSD group! Hah Hah hah!  
  
Sephiroth: HEy I exploded in the beginning right?  
  
Duo: WAit...............yes you did!  
  
Sephiroth: *Explodes again*  
  
Lunar: Aw Seph, now you made it not interesting. You son of a poo.  
  
Cid: Son of a poo? No no no, you have to call im a Scum sucking turd lickin puss loving algae eating pile o' pidgeon crap.  
  
Bastet: MY HEEEEEERRRRRROOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *takes Cid and runs off with him somewhere in the christmas tree, never to be seen again*  
  
Enerjak: Well at least they didn't explode.  
  
*the Xmas tree explodes, sending Tiny Grim Reaper flying and splatting into the wall*  
  
Lunar: EEEWwwwwwwwwwwww.. bug. *takes a shovel and removes the flattened Grim Reaper*  
  
Enerjak: This is christmas guys! Lighten up!  
  
Hector: YEah! And since Daketa exploded, all her panties are for me!  
  
Roxanne: You wish. *holds up a Panda*  
  
Hector: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! *runs off into the kitchen, only to find Koolaid and Bill Cosby with grenade launchers in the kitchen*   
  
Bill Cosby: YOU ASSHOLE! YOU ATE MY PUDDING POP!  
  
Koolaid: YOU ASSHOLE! YOU...................EXIST!  
  
Hector: SH*T! *gets blown away*  
  
Rox: NOT cool.  
  
Yun: I know what is cool! Me in a bed of roses!  
  
Rox: YES OH YES OH YES! *glomps on Yun*   
  
Enerjak: Not in my house, please!  
  
Lunar: That looks like fun.  
  
Duo: What you gonna join em?  
  
Lunar: NO. *takes Enerjak and starts to passionatley make out with her to the point where everyone is purley disgusted*  
  
Blak: Irvine, stop staring.  
  
Irvine: ahhh what a beautiful sight. Reminds me when the time that Squall and I were -   
  
Everyone: WE DONT WANNA HEAR IT!  
  
Cloud: Hey, I think I'm gonna leave some twinkies out for Santa.  
  
*Everyone goes to sleep*  
  
Santa: *says quietly to everyone sleeping on the floor* Ho ho ho merry christmas an' all that shit. *takes out a shitload of presents and puts them by the tree* *goes into the chimney and gets stuck*  
  
Santa: It's a good thing that spikey ass kid left me twinkies. *Santa closes his eyes, as his face goes red, then all of a sudden he makes a huge fart that sounds like an explosion, lights back up the fire, and bursts through the chimney*  
  
*The next day*  
  
Cloud: Looks like the twinkies helped.  
  
Aeris: HE went up the chimney with a thunderous fart!  
  
Enerjak: THAT SON OF A BITCH BLEW MY CHIMNEY APART!  
  
Rude: Hahahahahahaha! LOOK! I GOT NEW SHADES! *puts em on, they look exactly the same* Yay! Worms started to live in my old one!  
  
Steveman: Ew.  
  
Aslan: Gross.  
  
Duo: I got a new Deathscythe! *looks outside to see a huge ass figure of a Gundam wrapped in silver wrapping paper with a hugeass bow on the top* It's a brand new model! IT's called Gundam Deathscythe Hell Custom Hitsmegahardthatitwillblowthesocksoffofanyenemy 002! Sweet huh!?  
  
Lunar: Yes. I got a new gun. To maim and destroy things. YES!  
  
Enerjak: Cool. I got...............a lump of coal.  
  
Terri: Enerjak's been naughty!! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Enerjak: COME ON SANTA IT WAS JUST YESTERDAY THAT I MADE OUT DISGUSTINGLY WITH LUNAR!  
  
Lunar: Um.......actually......  
  
Enerjak: Shh, shutup.  
  
Quatre: HE SEES YOU WHEN YOUR SLEEPING, HE KNOWS WHEN YOURE AWAKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *Comes back from the dead*  
  
Bastet: ARGH! *comes back from the singed Xmas tree and blows Quatre up*  
  
Barret: Check dis out, foo! I got a new razor!  
  
Cloud: Where the hell do you shave other than your tounge? *snickers*  
  
Barret: I'm gonna shave YOU down to a bloody pulp in a sec'! No, I shave my armpits.  
  
Aeris: GASP! The truth comes out!  
  
Tifa: Well at least he said it. I hate men with really hairy armpits.  
  
Yuffie: Yeah. IT's gross. I mean, they can have a little bit, but not to the point where its purely horrifying.  
  
Vincent: Kinda like Leonardo DiCaprio's!  
  
Cait Sith: How the hell do you know what Leonardo DiCaprios arm hair looks like?  
  
Raziel: Can we please stop talking about armpit hair?  
  
Vincent: Sierra has all these old magazines with him in it.  
  
Sierra: THEY'RE DEFACED! REALLY! ME AND ENERJAK TOTALLED ONE BOOK! YOU BELIEVE ME RIGHT ENERJAKY POO!?  
  
Enerjak: YES........................O_o Okay I'm starting to grow tired here. *draws up a rabid candy cane with eyes and huge fangy teeth and it eats everyone and everything in sight*  
  
Enerjak: I mean, at least we didn't all explode.  
  
Rabid Candy Cane: *explodes, and there's a pile of ashes about the size of a large mound of garbage at a dump*  
  
Enerjak: GOD......DAMMIT! *gets out the broom and dustpan* *looks at her garbage can and back at the Taco Bell Dog*  
  
Taco Bell Dog: I theenk you'll need a beeger can.  
  
Enerjak: Yes. I think I will.  
  
  
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THE END  
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*************  
EPILOGUE  
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And just when you thought it was over!  
  
You: Damnit! I'm getting sick and tired even after the first line!  
  
Too bad. HAH!  
  
Angel Trowa: Dashing through the snow.....  
  
Angel Quatre: On a pair of broken skis.......  
  
Angel Heero: O'er the hills he goes.........  
  
Angel Wufei: BLOWING UP EVERY WOMAN IN SIGGHHHHHTTTTTTT! OH.......I mean Smashing into trees!  
  
God: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *makes everyone explode*  
  
Enerjak: GOD! DAMMIT!  
  
Tamahome: That was a pun, right!  
  
Chichiri: Na no DUHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Miaka: CLOUDS! *eats the clouds*  
  
Hotohori: I am more beautiful than god.  
  
God: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *makes Hotohori explode*  
  
Enerjak: STOP IT WITH THE FREAKING EXPLODING ALREADY! *Explodes*  
  
  
Stuart from Mad TV: the WOrLdDdDDDDddddDDddDdDDDDDdDDDDDdDDddD...  
  
THE WORLD: *explode*  
  
Stuart: *floating* NOOOOOOO! DONT!!!!! DONT DO THAT! NOOOOO!!!! *Explode*  
  
THe Universe: *explodes*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay that's it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(c) Enerjak/MN 2000  
Finished 10:55PM 


End file.
